It’s been A DAY. I’m talking about BURN. THE. SAGE.
Purify this house of negative energy and overwhelming emotions.
I’m not sure if it’s just that my kids aren’t listening well today or whether it’s a combination of things:
Maybe I overexerted myself yesterday trying to be super mom?
Perhaps I haven’t had enough to eat today because it’s easy to forget to feed myself when feeding my kids while multitasking a list of other to dos?
I might also be PMSing…is it that time AGAIN!? I swear I spend 2 weeks prepping for it and a week dealing with it…so that leaves me 1 week of normal self?
I just want to be alone right now. Or without sound. Just a break. Or am I pushing it to want to go to yoga?
I sat on the bathroom floor, shut the door and pretended I was in my own personal sanctuary. The kids were fine, playing dress up and trashing the place.
I think I’m going to run to Starbucks for a cake pop, RIGHT NOW! (Me to myself: No, don’t do it Cynthia).
All I know is that my neighbor caught me this morning in our local coffee shop, fighting my tears back. He said he would pray for me by the end of our conversation. A gesture I don’t take lightly.
Some days you have to FIGHT to win.
I’m proud I haven’t raised my voice today. I’ll say that. But I do feel tension in my shoulders and a sense of fatigue in my legs. And I keep thinking about the laundry that needs to be done and setting my budget for the week. And I totally need to clean the fish tank – poor Swimmy.
No, I don’t want to go outside. I mean I do, but I don’t. I don’t have the energy to go to the playground or practice biking anymore today. Of course, I feel guilty about that.
For whatever the reason it is, I keep telling myself: I’m not losing my mind. I’m human. Some days are better than others in holding together a home and bearing the weight of raising kids.
And yes, I’m far away from my family at the moment, which causes a different level of solitude on the weekends, but all this is temporary.
I breathe. I breathe. I breathe. What I’ve learned from yoga and meditation is that to control our minds (and bodies) from freaking out, we must focus on our breath and breathe.
I also fight to step outside of my feelings. The overwhelming sentiments of emotional and mental suffocation, is temporary. Yesterday was a better day. Last weekend rocked!
So I tell myself, step out of my emotions for a moment and look at myself from 30,000 feet up. This moment is just that: a moment. It will pass.
And it can always be harder. There are moms out there with even more going on than me. Though challenges are all unique and personal, not any more being more or less than the other, gratefulness has helped me re-center myself in some of my more difficult personal situations. I know it can help me now.
Today is not a lay-up. It’s not a day, reflecting on my times as an athlete, I just step on the court and smash my opponent. Nope. I’m not bageling anyone today 0 and 0 (tennis reference).
So, I fight to win. I strategize a plan to get to my goal (end of day) and use my tools to win.
Now is NOT forever. Tomorrow is a new day. And I know I’m not the only mom going through this.
Let’s (Fight to) Win,