Last month I facilitated a workshop on winning in life. You know, the excitement we get at the beginning of a new year, we announce our new goals with enthusiasm and sass and believe we can do it. Then by March, our formerly kicked habits revolt and want their spaces back. At my workshop, we reviewed our goals and strategically thought about our environment and attention to devise a plan in reaching our targets.
Out of this workshop, focused on reaching goals, my lovely guests and I discussed some of the things that we want to work on this year, right now, where we are in our lives. One woman shared she wanted to stop the comparison thinking. She shared, as she scrolls through social media feeds, she finds herself thinking others have a better life than her. Or she considers whether she should have done something different in her life to produce the same outputs she sees in others’ lives. Do you know what she is talking about moms?
I definitely do. It’s natural. When we walk down the street, we notice hair, clothes, bodies…versus ourselves. Or you meet people out and about and you consider their accomplishments versus your own. But when those thoughts takeover our happy place, it’s a problem. We can’t let life pass us by because we think life is greener on the other side. Because the truth is, it’s NOT greener on the other side. And as we get older and more settled in ourselves, we must love ourselves more and more….life is way too short not too.
I’m happy to say that those comparison thoughts have been beautifully packaged away in my mind so that I don’t have them everyday. And when those unproductive thoughts come up, I have tools to help me get back on track. With that said, if you have these comparison thoughts a lot and want to work on them, let’s talk next steps:
- Get Weight Watchers for Your Mind: This same woman that shared with me her goal of ridding comparison thinking from her life, also shared that she had joined the awesome new Weight Watchers and she was doing so well on the program. I quite simply said, “oh, so now we need a Weight Watchers for the mind.” Though said informally at first, on second thought, it’s quite a good concept. We need to make the goal to rid the extra mental weight. It’s holding us down and back. Recognize you have a (mental) weight goal for a healthier life. COMMIT to drop the (mental) weight. The tools and accountability partner must also be a part of the plan. Those will be discussed below.
- Sit in The Director’s Chair: There is a movie playing in your mind. You have a choice: are you in the audience just watching it or will you sit in the director’s chair? We have over 60,000 thoughts a day. These thoughts transfer into our feelings and create our life experience. Data points are all around you in your life. We can either chose to give each one time and power or not. When I was growing up, I thought that I had to follow every thought that emerged in my mind. I gave each one validity, power and time. Now, I realize, thoughts are just thoughts. And they can be changed. Take the director’s seat of your movie and start directing the show. Replace unproductive thoughts with productive thoughts. Literally, when you start to feel bad, trace it back to your thoughts. Then replace the unhelpful thoughts with good ones and repeat 50x. I have affirmations posted all over my kitchen cabinets to help myself affirm the life I want to live. Maybe you carry a affirmation card in your wallet or typed on your phone. But affirmations work people! Some that can be used are: “I love my life. I have an awesome life. I am so proud of my life. I am right where I need to be. I only compete with myself. There is only one of me in the world, as uniquely and wonderfully made as me. I am excited for my future.” Those are just starters.
- Find an Accountability Partner: Anytime a person transitions from point A to point B, it’s easier to get there with a partner. Even if the person isn’t taking the same road as you, having a person to check in with you, hear your progress and be a sounding board for you is helpful and leads to greater chances of success. Just like with the actual Weight Watchers program, everyone gets a support group. This is helpful.
Moms, this stuff is not easy. It’s hard work. But once we realize we have the power to change our lives and commit, we will! We ARE powerful! You can do this! Sending you love and light.
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